Tuesday, April 14, 2015

What do you do when you are alone with a drunken girl?

Gentlemen, watch the video and spread the word around!

Click here to watch the video!

Remember, real men don't rape.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Uday's Ten Commandments of Sex for Men


We tend to feel outraged when racist, sexist or classist remarks are directed at us. R
ightly so. Some may feel that way at two of my commandments. Commandment 7 says, ‘Satisfy her and be a man’. Commandment 9 says, ‘Do it on and on and on... until she says, "Stop!"’. Whenever we venture to condemn or criticize something, it is desirable to first look at the intent rather than the action, if it is possible.

These commandments are basically aimed at men who are perfectly capable of satisfying a woman, but yet don't make efforts to do so. However, there are genuine incidents where some men very much want to fulfill the sexual desires of their women, but various physical ailments do not permit them to perform the act either partially or completely. They are likely to feel anguished at these commandments. I empathize with them and others, and I tender my apologies if any of my commandments hurts their sentiments.

When people make such remarks as 'He is the most handsome man on earth!' or 'He is the richest man on earth!' or 'He is the most powerful man on earth!'', do I feel outraged because I am not handsome, rich or powerful? Or do I find solace in the fact that the most handsome man, the richest man and the most powerful man are not one and the same person?

Jokes apart, Like the choice making expert, a blind Ms Sheena Iyengar says, we all have our limitations and must accept that it is the way of life. At the same time, we must ask ourselves, on a very basic level, 'Am I making efforts to look handsome enough to the person that matters most to me? Am I earning enough money to keep the most significant people of my life happy? Am I empowering my kith and kin enough to make their feeling empowered to take care of their own wellbeing?'

The trouble with a lot of us today is we want to impress the world, but sometimes fail to impress the folks who matter to us most. We wear expensive clothes to try to impress people who do not recognize our existence, leave alone our significance, but wear uninspiring or sometimes dirty clothes when around our spouse at home. Shouldn't it be the other way round? 

One husband wakes up in the morning and keeps yelling at his wife for toiletry, for a set of pressed office dress and for breakfast until he leaves home for work. Comes back home in the evening and yells for the evening refreshment, then gets himself absorbed in the office work or watches TV until dinner. When it is time for bed, he pulls his wife onto the bed for sex. Another husband wakes up with a sweet smile and morning greetings for his wife, helps her in whatever way possible until he leaves for office. Calls his wife as often from office to see how her day is going. Returns home from office with flowers and her favorite candies, helps her in the kitchen, talking about the day gone by. Says she is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and adds he loves her to infinity. When, it is time for bed, he gently initiates her into love making.

There are no right or wrong people. There are only right or wrong choices. Choose someone who is compatible with you, complementary to you. Love is all about feeling that there is no other like that special person. Do everything in your capacity to be 'that special person'.

Commandment 1: Look into her eyes and say these Two Magical Sentences a million times everyday. With passion and in faith.

(1 ) I love you
(2) You are beautiful

Post script: In the 21st century, sex may be turning into a physical activity like it was in primitive times. Yes, it is a physiological activity, aided by hormones. But, we, as humans, are much more than that. We are an emotional and spiritual being. It is really sad that love is being pushed to the back burner these days. Sex without true love is cruelty and betrayal. Remember that sex with love will nourish her soul and boost her ego and make her feel compete, elevated to the state of a prized human. 

Commandment 2: Work out regularly to enhance your sexual performance.

Doing physical exercise (it may mean different things like walking, jogging, working out at the gym, etc. to different persons) 2 to 3 hours before sex enhances your sexual performance.

Nota bene: Discuss your exercise regime with a qualified fitness trainer.

Commandment 3: Take care of what you eat, for you are what you eat.

Each time and well before sex, please have a glass of milk and fruits such as apple, orange, etc. along with
(a) date fruits and other dry fruits during winter, and
(b) milk products whenever possible during the day in summer.
Non-vegetarian food has been found to aid better for sex. The point is any food rich in protein is a sexual performance enhancer.

Post script: For the majority of people living in developing and underdeveloped countries, nutritious food is not a given. Kindly, check with your physician and nutritionist for your dietary needs, for food should be compatible with one's blood group.

Commandment 4: Observe personal hygiene, for it is seductive. ( Like, being smelly is repugnant.)

It is always desirable to have sex after both of you have had a bath. The hygiene of genital areas is especially paramount for both hygienic and aesthetic reasons.

Nota bene: Just in case you are wondering, I basically hail from one of the hottest and most humid places on earth. A bath is not a luxury there. It is a necessity.

Commandment 5: Play hard and soft. Play wild. Play gentle.

Play (sex) is important. But, foreplay (activities before sex like romantic talk, kissing, stimulation of breasts and nipples and manipulation of of vagina and stroking the entire body, etc) is more important. Yet, post-play (after sex) of ‘cuddling each other and whispering expressions of love s like ‘I love you, you are beautiful, I care for you, I’m there for you always, etc.’ is the most important of all.

Try this magic: Alternate between long deep strokes and rapid short strokes, followed by a grinding movement.

Commandment 6: Go down on her and eat her out.

Oral stimulation of woman’s genitals (cunnilingus) is not only the most important part of the foreplay but is also the most essential part of it. I believe a woman’s vagina is the most beautiful flower and the sweetest honey that God has ever created on earth.

Nota bene: Please, observe personal hygiene and make sure you and your partner are free from STDs, VDs, HIV or any infection before performing oral sex on her. 

Commandment 7: Satisfy her and be a man.

Always focus on the woman's joy and satisfaction by taking your cues from her. It will help you improve your performance and ecstasy in the long run and you will become a man.

Commandment 8: Don't roll off to a snore when she is still wide awake.

Women can forgive anything, even a mediocre performance. But one thing they can never forgive is man going to sleep before the woman after sex. So, please, after sex, put your wife to sleep first and only then must you go to sleep.

Nota bene: Rolling off to a snore after sex when she is still wide awake, is an insult to her being, to say the least.

Commandment 9: Do it on and on and on... until she says, "Stop!"

Mostly, starting the second round of sex may be little tough. But if you have a desire to be a man (and can afford good food), starting the second round and moving on to the third, fourth, etc. if and when necessary, should not be a problem.( Both Kamasutra and women say that it is not the number of times that a man has sex with a woman that is important, rather what is paramount is the ability of the man to help the woman reach orgasm(s) in a single coitus).

Commandment 10: Do it daily. Do it with passion. Do it forever.

The most important fact a man has to keep in mind is that women need sex almost daily (couples can find out their personal frequency of sexual intimacy for a fulfilling love life). But they don’t want mechanical sex without any feeling or admiration. They want it with real love, affection and passion. Almost Daily! At least up to the time of menopause. (Though Women’s priorities are said to change after the menopause, they desire a very vibrant sex life up to 60 and beyond, and there are men who ‘can’ perform like young men well beyond 60 years of age. Scientifically speaking, there is no age limit for men and women to be sexually active).

Nota bene: Just like we have different kinds of people like highly motivated people, moderately motivated people and lazy people, the libido level in people also vary from person to person. One cannot expect the same level of sex from everyone. People should seek partners of same level of libido in order to avoid sexual dissatisfaction and conflict.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

FREE Seminar on 'Happy Relationships' in Bengaluru (Bangalore)

Dear friends,

I conduct free seminar on 'The Art and Science of Happy Relationships' at housing complexes, social clubs and  corporates. This is an integrative approach combining the principles of Attachment Theory, Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, Systemic Therapy and Transactional Analysis.

Kindly note that, since I am busy with corporate soft skills training, I may not have time for one-on-one counseling.

For the free seminar and group counseling, please, contact me at uday.vendan@gmail.com

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Road safety: Bangalore shows the way!

A family friend of ours is Assistant  Commissioner of Police in Bangalore(Bengaluru) City. Last week, he took me to the recently inaugurated Traffic Management Centre (TMC). ( Of course, a lot of school children were taken there too, for if more people know that road users are being watched, the better.) This centre is only the second of its kind in India. The first one came up in Surat last year.

As of now, they have installed 179 surveillance cameras at traffic junctions and other crowded roads in the city. The police personnel at the centre watch traffic ‘live’ on the giant video screens. They can zoom the video to see the registration number of the vehicles of road users who do not follow the traffic rules. When traffic violators jump signals and such, the challans will be produced. Blackberry technology tracks the repeated offenders. The surveillance also helps in the prevention of avoidable traffic jams and crimes.

Today, on January 21, I attended the inaugural function of the 25th ROAD SAFETY AWARENESS WEEK (January 21-27) at Kanteevara Stadium, Bangalore. It is jointly organized by the Transport Department and the Bangalore Traffic Police. The event was inaugurated by the Honourable Home Minister of the Government of Karnataka Sri K.J. George and was presided over by the Honourable Minister for Infrastructure Development, Information and Haj Sri R. Roshan Baig. The Honourable Minister for Transport & District Incharge Minister, Bangalore Urban Sri Ramalinga Reddy was the Chief Guest of the occasion. Commissioner of Police , Bangalore City Sri Raghavendra H Auradkar, IPS and Additional Commissioner of Police, Traffic, Bangalore City Sri B. Dayananda, IPS along with Commissioner for Transport & Road Safety, Bangalore, Karnataka State Sri K. Amaranarayana, IAS welcomed the Dignitaries and other participants.

The focus of Road Safety Awareness Week this year is on school and college students. About 25,000 students of the Students’ Association of Road Safety (SARS) from the City schools participated in the event. A parade (march-past) of the students in colourful uniforms was spectacular. Top performers were awarded. The students have been trained to raise awareness about hand traffic signals and road etiquette. 

Tomorrow, on January 22, a drive against tampered and outdated license plates will be held. The following days, various other campaigns such as drive against talking on the phone while driving and not wearing seatbelts will be conducted. A drawing competition on road safety for students, a quiz on traffic rules and regulations will be organized at the Cubbon Park. An exhibition on road etiquette, screening slideshows on traffic safety in theatres and seminars/workshops on the importance of road safety by the police in schools and colleges are being organized. 

Dear fellow Bangaloreans, tell your friends and family members that you are being watched when you are on roads. You will be penalized whether there are any police personnel are around or not, when you violate traffic rules. Let’s take Bangalore Traffic Police’s ROAD SAFETY PLEDGE:

I pledge to seriously re-examine my driving habits. By improving my driving habits, I will be making an important contribution to the safety of myself and other road users, thus setting a positive example for other drivers in the process of making our roads safer, for all road users.

  • ·         To obey all traffic rules and regulations
  • ·         To always wear seatbelt and make sure all passengers are buckled up or properly restrained
  • ·         To always drive within the speed limit
  • ·         Never drive under the influence of alcohol or drugs
  • ·         Not to use cell/mobile phone while driving
  • ·         Pay attention to pedestrians/cyclists
  • ·         Not to overtake unless absolutely necessary and safe to do so
  • ·         To give driving my full attention by avoiding distractions at all times
  • ·         To use indicators, mirrors and lights appropriately at all times
  • ·         To always set a good example for other drivers by being considerate, courteous and not driving aggressively
  • ·         Not to honk unnecessarily
  • ·         To invariably wear helmet and fasten the straps while driving two wheelers
  • ·         To always say “Pehle aap” (You first) while on roads

Monday, December 23, 2013

MINT: my recent love story!

I have been a net addict like a lot of the 21st century people are.  I spent almost all my waking moments on the net, meeting virtual people and reading a variety of e-newspapers and e-magazines. The net also provided me with access to a host of research papers of my interest in psychology. It was a veritable intellectual sanctuary and of course, it kept me safely tucked away from the worldly betrayals, pains and miseries. It was like the real world had ceased to exist for me. With Google, the biggest library in the world and facebook, the biggest university on earth to study humans in all their emotional nakedness, I found no reason to go out anyways. But then, one day about six months ago, it dawned on me that a man’s life was and should be out there in the physical world, warts and all.

I shut myself out of the net.  I bought a bundle of fat novels, to keep my mind engaged for long stretches of time. It helped a bit. But I was growing uneasy. The internet connection on my cellular phone and my laptop had held wide open the window to the exciting world outside: North Korea, Indian National Congress, Bharathiya Janata Party, Ambanis, Tatas, Apple, Amazon, Infosys. And my real-life hero Raghuram Rajan. Though I am apolitical, I love politics. I love business world more. Busybees! Well, for the uninitiated, I don’t own a TV for various reasons. May be I am not visual, which may or may not make me cerebral. :P

After a few days, I couldn’t stand to live in the dark anymore. I went out to a nearby newsstand and asked for one general newspaper and one business daily. The stall-keeper gave me a well-known general newspaper and a strangely sized, strangely colored and yet strangely packaged business daily named MINT. My frown was patently clear to the paper man. Just then my eyes fell on the words ‘from the media house of The Hindustan Times’. Hmm… must be a good one. Further down, it read: Content Partner: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL. Ooh! It’s definitely worth a try. 

I started reading the paper. OMG! It was simply incredible. The language, the vocabulary, the length, width and depth of the contents!  Each article was more like the ones you would find in a magazine rather than in a newspaper. I found a lot of interviews of experts, business honchos, legal luminaries, government mandarins. Seeing so many interviews in a daily was novel to me. I have nothing against the journalists. I adore them and owe them whatever little knowledge I have about the Arab Spring and Syria. What is really cool about interviews is that they are straight from the horse’s mouth.  

Believe me, it was the first time in my entire life that I read a newspaper from cover(?) to cover(?), each article blowing my mind away. It left me asking for more. It was like I had been transported to a different world, into a world full of intellectuals, whose passion for the subject and truth came out through their every word and every sentence, questioning a bad status quo, applauding a good work well done, exploring ways out of a stalemate and showing the way forward. I bought MINT day after day, week after week, my love for it growing stronger and stronger with every orgasmic reading encounter. Moon has waxed and waned six times since, I still can’t get enough of MINT. Its internet version www.livemint.com is good, but it is divine holding a hard copy MINT in my hands and getting myself lost in the pages that remind me of Homer’s rosy fingered dawn.

A love that lasts six months in the 21st century may be a rarity. But when your dream matches reality, you know it’s for keeps. Tommy Bollinger’s secret to happiness: find something/someone you like and never let it/him/her go. I have been leading a celibate life for several years now, waiting to meet love, fidelity, truth in a human. If you can’t find a good one, be one. I don’t believe in a crude joke that goes something like, ‘Not all people are bad, some are worse’. Nor in ‘the 21st century is for/of the debauched and the promiscuous’. I know there still are people who live virtuous lives. I know that virtuous she is out there. An embodiment of love, epitome of fidelity. Please, don’t snicker. Until such time as I meet her, I am happy being in love with MINT. 

Continuing his winning streak, what tricks does Raghuram Rajan have up his sleeves for improving the Indian economy in the days ahead? With his mere name already having commanded a 50% increase of his company’s stock price since his return at the helm in mid-2013, what magic moves are N.R. Narayana Murthy going to make in order to reclaim the bellwether status for Infosys? Having built an invincible chaebol, the ‘Numero Uno’ Samsung, what new territories has the indefatigable Kun-Hee Lee marked for his extraordinary team to conquer in the quarters ahead? I am curious and I know MINT has the clues. That’s love. Oh, yes, love is not love if it is not expressed.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Love, Sex, Fidelity and Promiscuity

We live in an age where society is growing more liberated, the Victorian concepts like chastity and fidelity that were coined and bandied about by men centuries ago to subjugate women are becoming hollower and more meaningless by the day (at the same time, I must be quick to add that chastity is not a sole invention of human beings, for animals, birds, fish, insects and even worms exhibit faithful behaviour in their mating relationship. Refer to http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/photos/11-animals-that-mate-for-life/old-faithful).

This is the age of spontaneous love and experiment, where love replaces all else. Men have enjoyed the ride of power and superiority for a long time. The advent of Knowledge Era changed all that. Instead of looking down upon women's progressiveness, let us take part in celebrating their new found freedom that is greatly assisted by their financial independence. I even have the chutzpah to say financial freedom of women is the panacea for all ills of the world that afflict women and consequently men. Let's all say in unison, COMPLETE FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE TO WOMEN FOR AN EGALITARIAN SOCIETY!!!

Human life is about love. Love can only be felt and it can not be defined. There were times when men and women had less opportunities to interact elaborately with one another. Now in the communication era, they are pushed together more tightly than ever before in various situations from the work place to the virtual world and I should say, love as we knew it or was defined is getting a makeover. Amidst the bombardment of proposals that we receive from every direction nowadays, I have a feeling, may be, love itself is being redefined and we call the new age love as Mr/Ms Right/Soulmate... something we get to choose and not something that is forced upon us. Love is in essence that which makes you happy and helps you grow.

Sex is one of the most wonderful ways of expressing love. Sex inside of marriage is fulfilling and safe. Barring open marriages,  extra-marital sex is definitely shameful, a crime against spouse and sin against God. Although science says promiscuity is a disease, what I witness is an overwhelming legitimacy it has begun to enjoy among the folks. Masturbation was a disease in the 19th century and became a cure in the 20th. Homosexuality was illegal till the 20th and is becoming legal in the 21st. You can only guess the fate of the taboo facade of promiscuity in the future. 

So I don't see any significant difference between chastity and promiscuity. I only see discriminatory indiscriminate sex as individuals' lifestyle choice when the couple involved are not married or are not in a committed relationship.The bottom line is one needs to be happy with his chosen lifestyle, be it single love partnership or multiple love partnerships. What is right is for the individual to decide, keeping in mind that your free-will is not to affect others negatively. 

Nobel Laureate Ernest Hemingway said, " About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after".

CAVEAT: There are no right or wrong people. There are only right or wrong choices.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

What is this thing called 'insecurity' in love?

Boy:I broke up with her.

His Best Friend:What happened?

Boy:She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend:What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good,
always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes
locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl
under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy:Oh.. Well..
She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling
me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend:So,
you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she
cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy:But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly
mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend:So,
you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just
wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy:I.. Well! You know,
she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so
annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend:So, you broke
her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you
were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even
more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I

Boy:Well, she..

His Best Friend:You broke up with her
because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s
broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy:I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend:You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could.
You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S
what happened..