AN INTRODUCTION TO UDAY'S TEN COMMANDMENTS OF SEX FOR MEN:
We tend to feel outraged when racist, sexist or classist remarks are
directed at us. Rightly so. Some may feel that way at two of my commandments. Commandment 7 says, ‘Satisfy her and be a man’. Commandment 9 says, ‘Do it
on and on and on... until she says, "Stop!"’. Whenever we venture to condemn or criticize something, it is desirable to first look at the intent rather than the action, if it is possible.
These commandments are basically aimed at men who are perfectly capable of
satisfying a woman, but yet don't make efforts to do so. However, there are
genuine incidents where some men very much want to fulfill the sexual desires
of their women, but various physical ailments do not permit them to perform the
act either partially or completely. They are likely to feel anguished at these
commandments. I empathize with them and others, and I tender my apologies if any of my commandments hurts their sentiments.
When people make such remarks as 'He is the most handsome man on earth!' or 'He
is the richest man on earth!' or 'He is the most powerful man on earth!'', do I
feel outraged because I am not handsome, rich or powerful? Or do I find solace
in the fact that the most handsome man, the richest man and the most powerful
man are not one and the same person? Jokes apart, Like the choice making expert, a blind Ms Sheena Iyengar says, we all have our limitations
and must accept that it is the way of life. At the same time, we must ask ourselves, on a very basic level, 'Am I making efforts to look handsome enough to the person
that matters most to me? Am I earning enough money to keep the most significant
people of my life happy? Am I empowering my kith and kin enough to make their feeling empowered to take care of their own wellbeing?'
The trouble with a lot of us today is we want to impress the world, but
sometimes fail to impress the folks who matter to us most. We wear expensive
clothes to try to impress people who do not recognize our existence, leave
alone our significance, but wear uninspiring or sometimes dirty clothes when
around our spouse at home. Shouldn't it be the other way round?
One husband wakes up in the morning and keeps yelling at his wife for toiletry,
for a set of pressed office dress and for breakfast until he leaves home for work. Comes back home in the evening and yells for the evening refreshment, then
gets himself absorbed in the office work or watches TV until dinner. When it is
time for bed, he pulls his wife onto the bed for sex. Another husband wakes up with a sweet smile and morning greetings for his wife, helps her in whatever
way possible until he leaves for office. Calls his wife as often from office to
see how her day is going. Returns home from office with flowers and her
favorite candies, helps her in the kitchen, talking about the day gone by. Says
she is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and adds he loves her to
infinity. When, it is time for bed, he gently initiates her into love making.
There are no right or wrong people. There are only right or wrong choices.
Choose someone who is compatible with you, complementary to you. Love is all
about feeling that there is no other like that special person. Do everything in
your capacity to be 'that special person'.
Commandment 1: Look into her eyes and say these Two Magical
Sentences a million times everyday. With passion and in faith.
(1 ) I love you
(2) You are beautiful
Post script: In the 21st century, sex may be turning into a physical activity
like it was in primitive times. Yes, it is a physiological activity, aided by
hormones. But, we, as humans, are much more than that. We are an emotional and
spiritual being. It is really sad that love is being pushed to the back burner
these days. Sex without true love is cruelty and betrayal. Remember that sex with love will
nourish her soul and boost her ego and make her feel compete, elevated to the state of a prized human.
Commandment 2: Work out regularly to enhance your sexual
exercise (it may mean different things like walking, jogging, working out at
the gym, etc. to different persons) 2 to 3 hours before sex enhances your
Nota bene: Discuss your exercise regime with a qualified fitness trainer.
Commandment 3: Take care of what you eat, for you are what
Each time and well before sex, please have a glass of milk and fruits such as
apple, orange, etc. along with
(a) date fruits and other dry fruits during winter, and
(b) milk products whenever possible during the day in summer.
Non-vegetarian food has been found to aid better for sex. The point is any food rich in protein is
a sexual performance enhancer.
Post script: For the majority of people living in developing and underdeveloped
countries, nutritious food is not a given. Kindly, check with your physician
and nutritionist for your dietary needs, for food should be compatible with
one's blood group.
Commandment 4: Observe personal hygiene, for it is
seductive. ( Like, being smelly is repugnant.)
It is always desirable to have sex after both of
you have had a bath. The hygiene of genital
areas is especially paramount for both hygienic and aesthetic reasons.
Nota bene: Just in case you are wondering, I
basically hail from one of the hottest and most humid places on earth. A bath
is not a luxury there. It is a necessity.
Commandment 5: Play hard and soft.
Play wild. Play gentle.
Play (sex) is important. But, foreplay (activities before sex like romantic
talk, kissing, stimulation of breasts and nipples and manipulation of of vagina
and stroking the entire body, etc) is more important. Yet, post-play (after
sex) of ‘cuddling each other and whispering expressions of love s like ‘I love
you, you are beautiful, I care for you, I’m there for you always, etc.’ is the
most important of all.
Try this magic: Alternate between long deep strokes and rapid short strokes, followed by a grinding movement.
Commandment 6: Go down on her and eat her out.
Oral stimulation of woman’s genitals (cunnilingus) is not only the most
important part of the foreplay but is also the most essential part of it. I
believe a woman’s vagina is the most beautiful flower and the sweetest honey
that God has ever created on earth.
Nota bene: Please, observe personal hygiene and make sure you and your partner are free
from STDs, VDs, HIV or any infection before performing oral sex on her.
Commandment 7: Satisfy her and be a man.
Always focus on the woman's joy and satisfaction by taking your cues from her.
It will help you improve your performance and ecstasy in the long run and you
will become a man.
Commandment 8: Don't roll off to a snore when she is still
Women can forgive anything, even a mediocre performance. But one thing they can
never forgive is man going to sleep before the woman after sex. So, please, after
sex, put your wife to sleep first and only then must you go to sleep.
Nota bene: Rolling off to a snore after sex when she is still wide awake, is an
insult to her being, to say the least.
Commandment 9: Do it on and on and on... until she says,
Mostly, starting the second round of sex may be little tough. But if you have a
desire to be a man (and can afford good food), starting the second round and
moving on to the third, fourth, etc. if and when necessary, should not be a
problem.( Both Kamasutra and women say that it is not the number of times that a man
has sex with a woman that is important, rather what is
paramount is the ability of the man to help the woman reach orgasm(s) in a
Commandment 10: Do it daily. Do it with passion. Do it
The most important fact a man has to keep in mind is that women need sex almost
daily (couples can find out their personal frequency of sexual intimacy for a
fulfilling love life). But they don’t want mechanical sex without any feeling
or admiration. They want it with real love, affection and passion. Almost
Daily! At least up to the time of menopause. (Though Women’s priorities are said to change after
the menopause, they desire a very vibrant sex life up to 60 and beyond, and there are men
who ‘can’ perform like young men well beyond 60 years of age. Scientifically
speaking, there is no age limit for men and women to be sexually active).
Nota bene: Just like we have different kinds of people like highly motivated
people, moderately motivated people and lazy people, the libido level in people
also vary from person to person. One cannot expect the same level of sex from
everyone. People should seek partners of same level of libido in order to avoid
sexual dissatisfaction and conflict.
I conduct free seminar on 'The Art and Science of Happy Relationships' at housing complexes, social clubs and corporates. This is an integrative approach combining the principles of Attachment Theory, Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, Systemic Therapy and Transactional Analysis.
Kindly note that, since I am busy with corporate soft skills training, I may not have time for one-on-one counseling.
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A family friend of ours is
AssistantCommissioner of Police in Bangalore(Bengaluru)
City. Last week, he took me to the recently inaugurated Traffic Management
Centre (TMC). ( Of course, a lot of school children were taken there too, for if
more people know that road users are being watched, the better.) This centre is
only the second of its kind in India. The first one came up in Surat last year.
As of now, they have installed
179 surveillance cameras at traffic junctions and other crowded roads in the
city. The police personnel at the centre watch traffic ‘live’ on the giant
video screens. They can zoom the video to see the registration number of the
vehicles of road users who do not follow the traffic rules. When traffic
violators jump signals and such, the challans will be produced. Blackberry
technology tracks the repeated offenders. The surveillance also helps in the
prevention of avoidable traffic jams and crimes.
Today, on January 21, I attended
the inaugural function of the 25th ROAD SAFETY AWARENESS WEEK
(January 21-27) at Kanteevara Stadium, Bangalore. It is jointly organized by
the Transport Department and the Bangalore Traffic Police. The event was
inaugurated by the Honourable Home Minister of the Government of Karnataka Sri
K.J. George and was presided over by the Honourable Minister for Infrastructure
Development, Information and Haj Sri R. Roshan Baig. The Honourable Minister
for Transport & District Incharge Minister, Bangalore Urban Sri Ramalinga
Reddy was the Chief Guest of the occasion. Commissioner of Police , Bangalore
City Sri Raghavendra H Auradkar, IPS and Additional Commissioner of Police,
Traffic, Bangalore City Sri B. Dayananda, IPS along with Commissioner for
Transport & Road Safety, Bangalore, Karnataka State Sri K. Amaranarayana,
IAS welcomed the Dignitaries and other participants.
The focus of Road Safety
Awareness Week this year is on school and college students. About 25,000
students of the Students’ Association of Road Safety (SARS) from the City
schools participated in the event. A parade (march-past) of the students in
colourful uniforms was spectacular. Top performers were awarded. The students
have been trained to raise awareness about hand traffic signals and road
Tomorrow, on January 22, a drive
against tampered and outdated license plates will be held. The following days,
various other campaigns such as drive against talking on the phone while driving
and not wearing seatbelts will be conducted. A drawing competition on road
safety for students, a quiz on traffic rules and regulations will be organized
at the Cubbon Park. An exhibition on road etiquette, screening slideshows on
traffic safety in theatres and seminars/workshops on the importance of road safety by the police in
schools and colleges are being organized.
Dear fellow Bangaloreans, tell
your friends and family members that you are being watched when you are on
roads. You will be penalized whether there are any police personnel are around
or not, when you violate traffic rules. Let’s take Bangalore Traffic Police’s ROAD
I pledge to seriously re-examine
my driving habits. By improving my driving habits, I will be making an
important contribution to the safety of myself and other road users, thus
setting a positive example for other drivers in the process of making our roads
safer, for all road users.
·To obey all traffic rules and regulations
·To always wear seatbelt and make sure all
passengers are buckled up or properly restrained
·To always drive within the speed limit
·Never drive under the influence of alcohol or
·Not to use cell/mobile phone while driving
·Pay attention to pedestrians/cyclists
·Not to overtake unless absolutely necessary and
safe to do so
·To give driving my full attention by avoiding
distractions at all times
·To use indicators, mirrors and lights
appropriately at all times
·To always set a good example for other drivers
by being considerate, courteous and not driving aggressively
·Not to honk unnecessarily
·To invariably wear helmet and fasten the straps
while driving two wheelers
·To always say “Pehle aap” (You first) while on
I have been a net addict like a lot
of the 21st century people are.I spent almost all my waking moments on the net, meeting virtual people
and reading a variety of e-newspapers and e-magazines. The net also provided me
with access to a host of research papers of my interest in psychology. It
was a veritable intellectual sanctuary and of course, it kept me safely tucked
away from the worldly betrayals, pains and miseries. It was like the real world
had ceased to exist for me. With Google, the biggest library in the world and
facebook, the biggest university on earth to study humans in all their
emotional nakedness, I found no reason to go out anyways. But then, one day
about six months ago, it dawned on me that a man’s life was and should be out
there in the physical world, warts and all.
I shut myself out of the net. I bought a bundle of fat novels, to keep my
mind engaged for long stretches of time. It helped a bit. But I was growing
uneasy. The internet connection on my cellular phone and my laptop had held
wide open the window to the exciting world outside: North Korea, Indian
National Congress, Bharathiya Janata Party, Ambanis, Tatas, Apple, Amazon,
Infosys. And my real-life hero Raghuram
Rajan. Though I am apolitical, I love politics. I love business world more.
Busybees! Well, for the uninitiated, I don’t own a TV for various reasons. May
be I am not visual, which may or may not make me cerebral. :P
After a few days, I couldn’t stand to
live in the dark anymore. I went out to a nearby newsstand and asked for
one general newspaper and one business daily. The stall-keeper gave me a
well-known general newspaper and a strangely sized, strangely colored and yet
strangely packaged business daily named MINT. My frown was patently clear to
the paper man. Just then my eyes fell on the words ‘from the media house of The
Hindustan Times’. Hmm… must be a good one. Further down, it read: Content Partner: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL. Ooh! It’s definitely worth a try.
I started reading the paper. OMG!
It was simply incredible. The language, the vocabulary, the length, width and
depth of the contents!Each article was
more like the ones you would find in a magazine rather than in a newspaper. I
found a lot of interviews of experts, business honchos, legal luminaries, government
mandarins. Seeing so many interviews in a daily was novel to me. I have
nothing against the journalists. I adore them and owe them whatever little
knowledge I have about the Arab Spring and Syria. What is really cool about
interviews is that they are straight from the horse’s mouth.
Believe me, it was the first time in
my entire life that I read a newspaper from cover(?) to cover(?), each article
blowing my mind away. It left me asking for more. It was like I had been
transported to a different world, into a world full of intellectuals, whose
passion for the subject and truth came out through their every word and every
sentence, questioning a bad status quo, applauding a good work well done, exploring
ways out of a stalemate and showing the way forward. I bought MINT day after
day, week after week, my love for it growing stronger and stronger with every
orgasmic reading encounter. Moon has waxed and waned six times since, I still
can’t get enough of MINT. Its internet version www.livemint.com is good, but it
is divine holding a hard copy MINT in my hands and getting myself lost in the
pages that remind me of Homer’s rosy fingered dawn.
A love that lasts six months in the
21st century may be a rarity. But when your dream matches reality,
you know it’s for keeps. Tommy Bollinger’s secret to happiness: find something/someone
you like and never let it/him/her go. I have been leading a celibate life for
several years now, waiting to meet love, fidelity, truth in a human. If you
can’t find a good one, be one. I don’t believe in a crude joke that goes
something like, ‘Not all people are bad, some are worse’. Nor in ‘the 21st
century is for/of the debauched and the promiscuous’. I know there still are
people who live virtuous lives. I know that virtuous she is out there. An
embodiment of love, epitome of fidelity. Please, don’t snicker. Until such time
as I meet her, I am happy being in love with MINT.
Continuing his winning streak, what tricks
does Raghuram Rajan have up his sleeves for improving the Indian economy in the days ahead? With his mere name already having commanded a 50% increase of his
company’s stock price since his return at the helm in mid-2013, what magic
moves are N.R. Narayana Murthy going to make in order to reclaim the bellwether
status for Infosys? Having built an invincible chaebol, the ‘Numero Uno’
Samsung, what new territories has the indefatigable Kun-Hee Lee marked for his
extraordinary team to conquer in the quarters ahead? I am curious and I know
MINT has the clues. That’s love. Oh, yes, love is not love if it is not
We live in an age where society is growing more liberated, the Victorian concepts like chastity and fidelity that were coined and bandied about by men centuries ago to subjugate women are becoming hollower and more meaningless by the day (at the same time, I must be quick to add that chastity is not a sole invention of human beings, for animals, birds, fish, insects and even worms exhibit faithful behaviour in their mating relationship. Refer to http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/photos/11-animals-that-mate-for-life/old-faithful).
This is the age of spontaneous love and experiment, where love replaces all else. Men have enjoyed the ride of power and superiority for a long time. The advent of Knowledge Era changed all that. Instead of looking down upon women's progressiveness, let us take part in celebrating their new found freedom that is greatly assisted by their financial independence. I even have the chutzpah to say financial freedom of women is the panacea for all ills of the world that afflict women and consequently men. Let's all say in unison, COMPLETE FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE TO WOMEN FOR AN EGALITARIAN SOCIETY!!!
Human life is about love. Love can only be felt and it can not be defined. There were times when men and women had less opportunities to interact elaborately with one another. Now in the communication era, they are pushed together more tightly than ever before in various situations from the work place to the virtual world and I should say, love as we knew it or was defined is getting a makeover. Amidst the bombardment of proposals that we receive from every direction nowadays, I have a feeling, may be, love itself is being redefined and we call the new age love as Mr/Ms Right/Soulmate... something we get to choose and not something that is forced upon us. Love is in essence that which makes you happy and helps you grow.
Sex is one of the most wonderful ways of expressing love. Sex inside of marriage is fulfilling and safe. Barring open marriages, extra-marital sex is definitely shameful, a crime against spouse and sin against God. Although science says promiscuity is a disease, what I witness is an overwhelming legitimacy it has begun to enjoy among the folks. Masturbation was a disease in the 19th century and became a cure in the 20th. Homosexuality was illegal till the 20th and is becoming legal in the 21st. You can only guess the fate of the taboo facade of promiscuity in the future. So I don't see any significant difference between chastity and promiscuity. I only see discriminatory indiscriminate sex as individuals' lifestyle choice when the couple involved are not married or are not in a committed relationship.The bottom line is one needs to be happy with his chosen lifestyle, be it single love partnership or multiple love partnerships. What is right is for the individual to decide, keeping in mind that your free-will is not to affect others negatively.
Nobel Laureate Ernest Hemingway said, " About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after".
CAVEAT: There are no right or wrong people. There are only right or wrong choices.
His Best Friend:What happened? Boy:She’s just too much for me.
His Best Friend:What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?
Boy:Well, ...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..
His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..
Boy:Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!
His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..
Boy:But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!
His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..
Boy:I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.
His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..
His Best Friend:You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?
Boy:I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?
His Best Friend:You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened..